Young ladies in the 21st century seem to get it topsy-turvy when it comes to attracting men. This is the obvious reason why many keep ending up with men who mistreat them. It is true that a faithful man is hard to find (Proverbs 20:6), but so is a good woman (Proverbs 31:10). If you are a good lady, attracting a good man would not be so much of a big deal.

The advent of social media seems to suggest to ladies that advertising their bodies on the internet is the best way to draw men’s attention. You are right in a way if you think this way. Men are designed with a natural attraction for the feminine figure but this attraction only satisfies a superficial desire. It does not last long. As soon as this desire is met, they are done with you. You as a lady however, put up your body advert on social media hoping to get a serious ‘catch’ that will stay committed to you. It does not work that way. The man soon finds out that beyond the Brazilian hair lies a dormant brain that he cannot work with. Beyond the beautifully made-up face, there is an ugly character that he cannot manage. Off he goes, looking for the next girl and there you are, shattered and feeling used. You need to activate your brains, girl. You really should.

Who is a Good Man?

Before you get it all wrong, I need to be clear on who a good man is, so you know where and how to find one.

  • A good man is a wise man. A wise person thinks and acts with deep knowledge, compassion, and self-transcendence. This means that when a good man speaks, you hear the sound of a witty- engaging personality; you hear the sound of someone who has gathered intellect. In his actions and words you feel and see a man who is free from the constraints of this material world; he sees himself as part of a greater picture beyond the natural. This is a good man.
  • A good man is one with moral values. His definition of what is right or wrong is in conformity with standards of ethical judgment. When you display your breasts and thighs or pose to show off your ass on social media, a good man does not applaud you. He finds it distasteful. He is not a fighter, a drunk, a flirt or an addict.
  • A good man treats a woman with respect. Only a man who understands the value of a woman accords her respect. He is not abusive.

1 Peter 3:7

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

The passage obviously addresses husbands but in every man is a potential husband and if he does not respect you as a single, he is not about to do so when he marries you.

  • A good man is at home with God. When a man has a good standing with God, you have less things to worry about with him.
  • A good man is honest in all his dealings. He is straight forward and avoids shady deals.

Two cannot walk together except they agree. You do not need a good man if you are not a good lady. If you want to attract a good man, try these tips:

  1. Respect Yourself

Girl, understand that there is one thing crying out so loud in all of those pictures where your clothes barely cover your body- INSECURITY. Yes, you are subtly saying “guys, I’m not sure, I just need you to affirm that I am beautiful”. Of course, they know what you want to hear, so they give it you. So when the comments begin to roll in the way you want it, you feel satisfied. You lack confidence in yourself, sis and in a bid to gain that confidence externally, you sell yourself short. Your self-value depreciates constantly yet you expect to find a good man? Hell, no!

Have you seen the Faberge eggs? They are the priceless treasures of an imperial family in Russia. They are jewelries that symbolize splendor, power and wealth (anyone would hunt for). When I saw the pictures, I marveled and wanted to know their costs. My comment when I saw the prices was “why so expensive?” Well, that’s left for me to figure out. What matters to the owners is how much it is valued and of course you don’t just see it anywhere. That is one thing about treasures, they are not everywhere. Things that symbolize dignity and splendor are in short supply. This is how the woman’s body ought to be seen. If you place a high value on your body, men will respond accordingly.

Those eggs do not need my approval to sustain their value, just like you do not need the approval of men to know your self-worth. T.D Jakes described the lady in such a beautiful way. “A woman of excellence is not the toy that all men play with… she is the table marked ‘reserved’… she is an exhibit marked ‘look but don’t touch’… she is the envy of the ordinary and the object of the connoisseur.” Men will not treat you better than you treat yourself. Dear lady, the first thing you must learn to attract a good man is to respect yourself; start with your body.

  1. Develop Yourself

I made a maxim for myself since my university days; “you will be needed when you are loaded.” This propelled my ambition to concentrate on improving myself to become more valuable before men. Some persons seem to have a lot of time in their hands so they spend a whole lot of it doing unproductive things like taking and uploading pictures, video calls, chatting, and so on. Wise people use these same things to make money. I know a woman who makes a living from making a video of her everyday life. She does creative things with her time and shares it online. That is wisdom; turning her hobby into a source of income.

Use your time as a single to discover why God made you. Then strive to constantly increase your value by engaging in activities like learning good skills, reading educative books, attending seminars, and so on. Set goals with deadlines, for instance; ‘by my next birthday, I will be a certified caterer’. Next, you draw plans to make your goal achievable, e.g. ‘I’d register for a 3-month training, start saving to set myself up as soon as I am certified’.

When you are loaded, you become an asset. That is exactly what real men are looking for and not a brainless beautiful girl with curves. Ask me, I will tell you how good I feel when hubby confidently points me to anyone that cares to listen and says “that’s my machine.” It’s everything.

  1. Stop being Needy

It is emotionally exhausting being around a person who constantly needs your affirmation to feel confident or with someone who has tied his/her happiness around you. I was once there. I am not a person of many friends. I have just a handful of them (male and female) and I basically commit to just one or two among them at a time. I derived my happiness from the company of my best friends and felt cheated whenever I sensed they were too attached to another friend. It is a weakness of the melancholic temperament. It had caused me so much pain in the past but I never saw it as a weakness, instead I saw them as been disloyal to the relationship. The day I understood this weakness was the day I was asked what makes me happy. I searched my soul frantically for an answer and realized it was tied to friendship. How pathetic!

You make yourself vulnerable if you depend on anyone to make you happy. The moment he turns his back on you, you become miserable. Do not give anyone that satisfaction. Make yourself happy from inside of you by converting your passion into something productive. Fall in love with the process. God is the true source of happiness. Ask Him to help you find true happiness within and He will. He did it for me and I couldn’t be happier.  

  1. Show some Respect for Others

No man worthy of the name wants to be disrespected. Ask your father. If you are good at talking people down, now will be a good time to stop. Even if you know more than him, I am sure he is aware of this. You do not need to rub it in. The man in him would revolt. Submission is not weakness. It can be used as a weapon to disarm if used with wisdom.

Respect is not reserved for the man you want alone; that is pretence. Give it to everyone; younger or older.

  1. Pay Attention to Your Looks

Being decently dressed does not mean looking unkempt. Grooming is especially important for ladies because of the changes that occur in the body. Keep your clothes and under-wears clean. Don’t use harsh cream in a bid to change your skin color. Please, your underarm hair should go off. Heavy make-ups and bright hair colors are not part of grooming. They only make you look unlike yourself. Be yourself and man will notice you.

  1. Cultivate Virtues

If you need a good man, make yourself a good woman. Men are on the lookout for women of virtues. Proverbs 31:10-31 has a list of about 15 virtues that a woman would posses and become a gem to her husband. I will summarize them this way: be hardworking, don’t always expect to receive but learn to give, be kind, be a homemaker, dress right, don’t be a gossip but a good adviser, and show self-confidence. Remember that a man would rather stay away than to be with a troublesome woman. Also, do not forget the common maxim “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. Be domestic in terms of cooking and doing chores at home.

  1. Posses the Beauty of Christ

1 Peter 3:3-4

Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Your beauty lies inside; beyond the make-up and hairdo. It is that inner beauty that is of great value in the sight of God and a real man. If you practice the first six tips to attract a man, then you have done this last one as well. Do not trade your inner beauty for anything else. When you build a good relationship with God, His presence in your life becomes a fragrance that a good man finds irresistible.

2 Corinthians 2:14-15

Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place. For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.

I hope you find these tips useful.

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Marinate on this until next time and drop your comments please.

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