I made a post last weekend in my Facebook group. It is a remark I have often heard my husband make. I captioned it this way: “Patience says to her children “Relax, what is hot would get cold. Just give it time.”” Someone made a comment under that post that got my attention. He responded “Provided there’s no constant source of heat.” I totally agree with this thought and it got me thinking further. Indeed, patience is a needed virtue in handling a lot of circumstances in life. However, wisdom is needed to accompany it so you know the ‘when’ and ‘how’ to use patience. Patience and wisdom make a good pair together.

What is hot would get cold when the source of heat is removed else it might never get cold. There are situations where all you need do is wait for things to get better with time. There are other toxic situations where you need to remove yourself from the source of irritation in order for things to get better. That is how we take out the source of heat. Learn to tell the difference between these situations. In business, it is not unusual to experience turbulent times, relationships likewise. In those times we need to keep our heads steady and keep going patiently while time heals the hurt. But time would find it hard to heal when one remains stuck in an abusive environment for instance. “Relax, what is hot would get cold” is not applicable here. If you exists around family or friends that always put you down and you try to relax, waiting for what is hot to get cold, you will gradually plunge yourself into depression and self-sabotage. Sometimes such environment may even contaminate its victim; making them become hateful, vengeful or equally abusive.

A few years ago, a lady addressed my husband very rudely in church (we were just good friends then). I can’t explain why I felt really insulted on his behalf. (I’m just laughing at myself right now) It took all the discipline in me not to fire back at her instantly, yet my husband said nothing in response. She just lashed at him and walked out on him. In my mind I was wondering ‘how could he have allowed her to feel such ‘victory’ in bashing him openly like that and going scot-free?’ To him, he would rather let go, than bring himself to quarrelling with her in public. To my surprise the next Sunday, she openly apologized in Church for her reaction the previous Sunday. “What is hot truly gets cold when the source of heat is removed.” If he had brought himself to exchanging bitter words with her that day, more damage would have probably been done to the reputation I was trying to protect. A soft answer, the Bible says, turns away wrath.

Now here is another scenario. I was once in a social media group where the leader was a very hostile lady. I had patiently kept calm as I watched how she attacked people at the most negligible error she perceives. She was so touchy that no one dared to correct her. She apparently had no respect for anyone. I felt uncomfortable being in such an environment but I felt I just had to be there. As much as I avoided it, her wrath fell on me one day. We did a quick transaction in the group but she made a mistake somewhere that cost her some extra money. She got upset and took it out on me. After harassing me verbally in our private chat, she went further with the false accusations in the group; calling me names. I felt so hurt. Furious as I was, I still apologized to calm her nerves, then I took time to explain her mistake in the private chat. I made her understand that I had nothing to do with her error and instead of apologizing or at least clearing the wrong impression of me that she had created in the group, she simply kept quiet. She was apparently too proud to admit (especially in the group) that she was wrong. I repeated the explanation I gave her in the group and that further angered her. I guess to her it was okay to slight me publicly and clear the air privately. As soon as I noticed she was in for some serious altercation, I had to leave the group. I knew I might lost my cool while trying to absorb her endless vulgar outbursts and I did not want to reduce myself to her level, exchanging ‘fire for fire’, so I had to take the exit. In this case I knew what is hot will not get cold without getting me burnt first. So I took out the source of heat. I left the group and I blocked her privately. She was so desperate to reach me. She did, with a different account and I blocked it again without responding to her insults. Apparently hostility gave her some sort of satisfaction and I could not thrive in such atmosphere.

Patience is vital, but apply wisdom when using it. Wisdom will make you know when it won’t get cold. It will also teach you how to take out the source of heat. It may have nothing to do with others. It may just be up to you to walk away. This applies in abusive relationships. We do not have to wait until it is late before we dissociate from virulent conditions. Don’t get killed or maimed by an abusive partner before you find your way out of the relationship.

While patience says “what is hot will get cold”, wisdom says “forsake foolishness and live, and go in the way of understanding.” (Proverbs 9:6)

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